I can't believe it has been 25 years since spending my first Mother's Day without my mother being in my life.
My mother, Virginia Harriet Zagorsky Limes, passed away on February 3, 1995 after suffering for 8 years from the after effects of two strokes - her first one was major and the second one was minor. My father had died in 1988. I was their only child - a later in life baby for each. My father died from prostate cancer that had spread to the bone that was quite painful for him to endure. He was first afflicted with it in 1983. So, counting up all of those years they were the worst 12 years of their lives - for dealing with severe illness. And, in mine, for feeling helpless to at least ease their pain.
My mother and me in 1984 - 2 years before her first stroke
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My mother's stroke turned her into a person essentially I had not known before. I can say the one positive after affect for her was that she lost weight. That might have been it. Her first stroke left her with limited mobility on one side of her body and mentally in poor shape because dementia set in. As time went on, she walked using a crutch but tired easily. She never really had abundant energy it seemed to me as a child romping around wanting to play and go outside. She would need to "take a flop" after dragging the Electrolux canister vacuum cleaner up and down the house going from the back room through a hallway, kitchen, dining room, and living room before finishing up in the bedrooms. And, when she was dusting and got tired of it she would just say "I'm going to dust the dining room table "with a lick and a promise." Of course she never told my father such things - only me.
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I'm sure we all have special memories of our mother. Some are more endearing and heartfelt than others. Still, a mother is unique; and she will be a unique person in our life. Our time with her will hold its own meaning that we will carry with us the rest of ours.
Some of us are, or were, close to our mother and for some perhaps they could say that wasn't quite so true. Some may have never known their mother at all. But, we know there was one or we wouldn't be here! It sounds kind of simplistic to state that but each person's relationship with their mother is unique.
So, it is the uniqueness of mothers that I feel we can celebrate and honor because we know there will be no other person we can truly call Mother but one; the one who gave us life. We would not be here without her being part of our world first before we even entered the one we would call our own time on earth.
These thoughts come to mind when I think of my mother and her life before I came along and afterward. I would like to tell her "thank you" in person one more time for her sacrifices made for me so my life would be better growing up. For all of the food she cooked and heaped up on my plate. The clothes she picked out for me that she liked even if I would have maybe chosen something else. She cared and wanted to do what she could to keep me safe and happy; adequately clothed and well fed!
Please spend some time pondering the little things as well as the large momentous events that helped shape your relationship with your mother. If she is still living tell her how you feel, and show your feelings to her. She may have had to hide some of hers from you, but she'll be glad you shared with her to tell her that she will always be your mother; your unique mother. One day you may not be able to do that in person. You just might wish that you had spent more time sharing your thoughts and memories of your life with your mother when you had the chance. Don't let the opportunity go by if you still have that chance. You may not get another.
My mother and me about 1952
I look up to the sky now and say "Mother are you listening?"
