Remembering my mother on Mother's Day 2020 - 25 years after she left me and this world behind

I can't believe it has been 25 years since spending my first Mother's Day without my mother being in my life.  

My mother, Virginia Harriet Zagorsky Limes, passed away on February 3, 1995 after suffering for 8 years from the after effects of two strokes - her first one was major and the second one was minor.  My father had died in 1988. I was their only child - a later in life baby for each.  My father died from prostate cancer that had spread to the bone that was quite painful for him to endure.  He was first afflicted with it in 1983.  So, counting up all of those years they were the worst 12 years of their lives - for dealing with severe illness.  And, in mine, for feeling helpless to at least ease their pain.

My mother and me in 1984 - 2 years before her first stroke

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My mother's stroke turned her into a person essentially I had not known before.  I can say the one positive after affect for her was that she lost weight.  That might have been it.  Her first stroke left her with limited mobility on one side of her body and mentally in poor shape because dementia set in.  As time went on, she walked using a crutch but tired easily.  She never really had abundant energy it seemed to me as a child romping around wanting to play and go outside. She would need to "take a flop" after dragging the Electrolux canister vacuum cleaner up and down the house going from the back room through a hallway, kitchen, dining room, and living room before finishing up in the bedrooms.  And, when she was dusting and got tired of it she would just say "I'm going to dust the dining room table "with a lick and a promise." Of course she never told my father such things - only me. 

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I'm sure we all have special memories of our mother.  Some are more endearing and heartfelt than others.  Still, a mother is unique; and she will be a unique person in our life.  Our time with her will hold its own meaning that we will carry with us the rest of ours.  

Some of us are, or were, close to our mother and for some perhaps they could say that wasn't quite so true.  Some may have never known their mother at all.  But, we know there was one or we wouldn't be here!  It sounds kind of simplistic to state that but each person's relationship with their mother is unique.

So, it is the uniqueness of mothers that I feel we can celebrate and honor because we know there will be no other person we can truly call Mother but one; the one who gave us life.  We would not be here without her being part of our world first before we even entered the one we would call our own time on earth.

These thoughts come to mind when I think of my mother and her life before I came along and afterward.  I would like to tell her "thank you" in person one more time for her sacrifices made for me so my life would be better growing up.  For all of the food she cooked and heaped up on my plate.  The clothes she picked out for me that she liked even if I would have maybe chosen something else.  She cared and wanted to do what she could to keep me safe and happy; adequately clothed and well fed!  

Please spend some time pondering the little things as well as the large momentous events that helped shape your relationship with your mother.  If she is still living tell her how you feel, and show your feelings to her.  She may have had to hide some of hers from you, but she'll be glad you shared with her to tell her that she will always be your mother; your unique mother.  One day you may not be able to do that in person.  You just might wish that you had spent more time sharing your thoughts and memories of your life with your mother when you had the chance.  Don't let the opportunity go by if you still have that chance.  You may not get another. 

My mother and me about 1952

I look up to the sky now and say "Mother are you listening?"  

Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers and Remembering Mothers no longer with us

Happy Mother's Day!   

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Mother's Day 2019, many of us can scarcely believe it is here because the Twenty-First Century is moving along more quickly than what many of us would wish it to be doing.  I suppose that is because time goes faster the older we get.  Hey that's proven...but I can't remember by whom at the moment...so I'll just stay with just wishing all of the Mothers a special and Happy Mother's Day today!

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 Sharing my Find A Grave memorial for my mother, Virginia (Zagorsky) Limes.  

 

Sharing my most definitive story I've written about my mother based on my research on trying to learn the truth about her real given name.

"In Memory of My Mother’s Many Names"

January 25, 2006

by Linda Jean Limes Ellis

"Researching the facts and foibles of my great-great grandfather or great-grandmother had never been a problem for me regardless of the secrets I uncovered about them.  However, delving into the life of my dear departed mother proved personally frustrating because she was my closest friend and sweet mother for 47 years of my life.  So it was she must have had her reasons why she chose not to share with me the hidden story behind her real birth name.

I had seen my mother’s name printed on my parents’ marriage certificate and her own signature affixed to her original Social Security card.  She was Virginia, Virginia H. or Virginia Harriet – and I never had a reason to think otherwise.  This was until after my mother died on February 3, 1995 and I learned there was more to my mother and her identity than I could have ever imagined. 

My first revelation came from her sister, my Aunt Irene, who came with me one Sunday afternoon to visit my parents’ gravesite at Elmwood Cemetery in Lorain, Ohio.  As we approached their tombstone, she announced, “You have the wrong name for your mother on the tombstone.”  I thought, what could she possibly mean by that statement?  Surely, that could not be true. 

However, my aunt told me that my mother was named Regina at birth, but she never liked it.  I had not heard of this before from my mother or anyone!  What I did recall though was hearing my cousin, Lenny, calling my mother “Auntie Ray” (later my Aunt Irene wrote a letter to me with the spelling of “R-a-e”; short for Regina?)  Still I remained unconvinced.

Soon afterward, I requested a copy of my mother’s Baptismal and Confirmation records from St. Stanislaus Church in Lorain, Ohio.  My mother’s family had lived on Apple Avenue, near the church, for years and I knew she attended “St. Stans.”

My mother was baptized on October 4, 1914.   Her baptismal record shows Regina Harriet Zagorski as her name.  I knew from her father’s naturalization records that Zagorski and Zagorsky were interchangeable.  I could live with the surname discrepancy without any question.  But, “Regina” boldly appeared on this official document, and it was the first time I saw it in print as my mother’s given name.

My mother’s Confirmation was on December 17, 1926 and the typed record shows her confirmation name was Rita.  The name on her Confirmation was “Regina Hedwig Zagorski”.  I thought, well, Hedwig may be Harriet in Polish?  But, no an accompanying letter from the church secretary stated otherwise: “Hedwig does not translate to Harriet.”  Yet another unfamiliar name I would now have to associate with my mother and who she was.  And, again “Regina.”  It is widely known that “Regina” means “Queen.”

Next, I tackled obtaining the public birth record for my mother.  The registration number was 665 in Registration District 753 in Lorain, Ohio. 

But there were two differently created forms with the “Registered No.665”, AND later, on June 29, 1942, an Ohio Department of Health Affidavit was filed for a correction to No. 665.

Interestingly, her mother, Josephine Zagorsky, signed the 1942 corrected Affidavit, which stated: 

“I, Josephine Zagorsky, being first duly sworn, say that I am the mother of Virginia Zagorsky, File No. 665.  Date of Birth:  September 13, 1914, Place of Birth:  Lorain, Ohio;  Name of Father:  Andy Zagorsky; Maiden name of mother:  Josephine Szczepankiewicz;

Remarks:  “First name of child was misspelled and last name was misspelled.”

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Now, one File No. 665 Certificate of Birth shows my mother’s name as “Regina Sagarski” and the other “Virginia Sagarsky”.  The former name’s Certificate had an addition the later name’s form did not:  “Given name added from a supplemental report” dated October 6, 1914. 

The “Virginia Sagarsky” was written on a Certificate of Birth dated and filed September 15, 1915 and her mother’s name was shown as “Josephine Grogan.”

Her mother’s name before marriage was Josephine Szczepankiewicz.  Why “Grogan” was not later corrected to Szczepankiewicz I do not know.  

Thus I had in my possession what essentially amounted to three birth certificates, a Baptismal record (both original and typed) and a Confirmation for my mother; all with disagreeing information for her birth name.

But it was what I saw on page 78 of the 1931 Lorain High School yearbook, “The Scimitar”, that conclusively convinced me Regina was my mother’s name given at birth. 

Under the heading of “The Sophomore A Girls” - in the fifth column, the fifth name from the bottom appears the name: “Regina Zagorski.”   Who would have thought how important a high school year book could be in a situation like this?  

I’ve reconciled myself to respect my mother’s desire to have remained silent during her lifetime about her birth name.  I feel comfortable knowing that the name on her tombstone, “Virginia H. Limes”, is the name she had truly desired for herself.  I know I did right by her.  Ultimately, that is all that really matters for both of us."

Virginia Harriet Zagorsky Limes (1914 - 1995) - Find A Grave Memorial

Virginia Harriet Zagorsky Limes (1914 - 1995) - Find A Grave Memorial

Remembering my mother on Mother's Day